Section XIV - The Vajrasattva Initiation
The abbess said,
You have already been joined with Vajra Dakini and Vajradhara, though you cannot speak with him. You will be consecrated here and dedicated to the yoginis, and also to Vajrasattva. Though your bodhisattva is bound, we will let the Buddha decide your path of spirit.I said that that sounded fine. She said,
We will initiate you in three days. You must only have tea for the next two days, and water on the third. You must meditate very sincerely and ask if this is a suitable path for you. To be bound to a Buddha is not usual practice, but it is my revelation, and I trust it!So I did as she asked, and Vajra Dakini said it was fine. In three days, we all gathered in the meditation room, and Lady Moon had me kneel before her, and call down nectar from the bodhisattvas. First I was to see my sins and impurities emerge, like smoke and fire from the mouth of a great dragon, and then I was to bring cool moonlight down to chase away the darkness. In my heart, I made a lotus upon a turquoise ocean. First I placed Vajra Dakini there, dressed in white with great radiations of light around her. She held a jewel for me - a fiery rainbow pearl, and a fan upon which different dakini manifestations were shown. Then I made a sky-lotus of shining white, against a dark blue sky. In that lotus was Vajrasattva in human form, shining like a diamond.
I visualized him, but then suddenly something changed, and he was really there before me. I was awed by his power and brilliance. My soul bowed before him and brilliant rays of light came out of him. A ray went from his heart to mine, and I could feel it enter like a knife into thickened milk. I was burned as if I had been branded, but then I saw the brand. It was a vajra made of diamond with deep blue crystal along its edges. It was his sign, now I was his. Around it I saw the dakini's lotus - I belonged to them both.
The Buddha smiled. He said,
You are not branded to be a slave, or an animal. That sign means that I am your slave - that you can call upon me and I will come. It is a sign of union to show that we are together, like a marriage necklace. It means you are a part of my world.He waved his hand. And I saw a world made of diamonds - with jeweled trees and palaces, and sunlight shining with rainbows. There were diamond people with shining light sending compassion to all beings in the universe. It was so bright I could not see. I felt dizzy, and fainted.
The nuns helped me up, and the Lady Moon said, "Chen Ma, you are now one of us. Here are your robes, like ours. As a symbol of our order, I will also bind you to one of the yoginis with which this convent is linked. I link you with Kai-Len, the hawk-headed yogini who I believe is the yogini that led you from your parent's house."
The other nuns chanted blessings, and we all went to meditate.
I came later to talk to Lady Moon. I told her what I saw, and she nodded. She said, "Most initiates do not speak of their experiences, but then, you always do things differently. I am glad you were accepted."
I asked, "Why do nuns get linked to so many different beings? Why not just one being?"
She said,
Well, each person has a male and a female aspect of soul, no matter what gender the body happens to be. So each person needs both a male and a female spiritual being, for each aspect of the self to relate to. The yogini is your link to the convent - an inner link besides the physical head. Who knows when I may die? It could take time to get a new abbess. We are part of a larger order, and I send in my suggestion, but ultimately others decide. Your link to the convent should not be through a finite and ignorant person, but through a spiritual being who will always be there to help you. You must give up most of human society to be a nun, but it does not mean you are totally isolated. The convent introduces you to the spiritual worlds, and your protectors will take care of you like your parents, until you are independent, and strong, and capable of traveling on your own.I thought this seemed nice. I said, "I would like to be a protector too. Is there an animal that I can have as a pet that I can protect?"
She smiled and said, "So, you are not a little girl anymore? It is girls who want pets, not women. But I will send a request down - if any small animals have lived in houses where the owners died, we will offer to care for them. But the responsibility will be yours alone for the creature."
On another topic, there is an elderly artist whose major disciple has died, and he is willing to teach you about painting. He can stay in the guesthouse for a month, and you can study with him. But you must work very hard." I said, "Lady, I will!"